Cold, but I'm Still Here
by Kris10rox
Summary: Why can't I be strong enough to walk away? Why can't I be man enough to walk away? That's just it. I'm no man, but a soulless corpse. I am selfish. In every aspect of the word.


**A/N -** Hey people..I've never written a Twilight fic..and It's NOWHERE near as well written as Stephenie Meyer's work. She is truly an amazing writer. I hope you guys enjoy, though. If you hate it..or love it..just leave me a review voicing your opinion :)

**Disclaimer - **Twilight was written by the wonderful Stephenie Meyer and the song Cold, but I'm still here is by: Evans Blue.

**Cold, but I'm still here**

****

_**Hello, I'm your martyr, will you be my gangster?**_

Lying here watching your chest rise and drop is the best past time I've ever experienced, other than actually spending time with you, of course. If only you could understand why I want to keep you this way. How beautiful you are the _way_ you are. I never want to see you any other way. I refuse to see you any other way.

_**Can you feel my trigger hand, moving further down your neck?**_

_**When you hide, hide inside that body**_

Why does it have to be so hard? To stay away. To keep distance between us? To keep myself from wanting you? And not in the inhuman, bloodsucking, monster that I am way. No, I feel like a seventeen year old all over again. The hormones..I'm a hormonal teenager all over again. And I'm putting you in danger every time I dare to touch you. How can I be so bold as to risk your life?

_**But just remember that when I touch you**_

_**The more you shake, the more you give away**_

And as much as I want to go. I can't. I don't have the strength to leave you. Not again.

_**Cold, but I'm still here, blind, 'cause I'm so blind**_

_**We're far from comfortable this time**_

And I know you worry. Hell, I put you through enough. But my dearest, if only you'd see that I can't leave you ever again. I'm incapable of doing so. You have my cold heart, or at least, what's left of it.

**_Cold, now we're so cold, mine, and you're not mine_**

_**We're far from obvious this time**_

You're not mine. And as much as I want you to be, due to my selfishness, you will never be. I will always be yours, though. There is no doubt in my mind, nor will there ever be.

_**Wait another minute here, Time will kill us after all**_

_**Now can you feel it's second hand wrapped around your neck?**_

But I am what I am. And what I am is utterly dangerous. I should be burned. I should be destroyed. I _am_ a monster no matter which way you look at it. I'm walking the face of the earth, and I am dead. It's wrong. You should despise me. You should be terrified. You shouldn't have as much trust in me as you do. My Bella..my poor, naive Bella.

_**So fall into my eyes and fall into my lies**_

_**But don't you forget**_

You'll never be normal. Not while I'm around. Not only am I endangering you, but everyone close to you. So why can't I be strong enough to walk away? Why can't I be _man_ enough to walk away? That's just it. I'm no man, but a soulless corpse. I am selfish. In every aspect of the word.

_**The more you turn away, the more I want you to stay**_

When I _do_ see the fear in your eyes, when I _should _use that as an advantage, I try my hardest to prove to you that I'd never hurt you.

**_Cold, but I'm still here, blind, 'cause I'm so blind_**

You open your eyes and manage to mumble something only a vampire would be able to hear. It's my name.

I smile lovingly at you and pull your warm figure closer to mine. I can't take my eyes off of you, it's always an internal battle. I'm always arguing with myself. It's only a matter of time before I lose to myself..my instinct.

_**We're far from comfortable this time**_

"What?" You ask, self-consciously.

I just shake my head and smile.

"You're beautiful when you sleep." I say.

_**Cold, now we're so cold, mine, and you're not mine**_

_**We're far from obvious this time**_

And you shyly hide your blushing cheeks from me. It takes everything in me to restrain myself from doing something we'd both regret later on. The temptation is nearly impossible to bear, but I would _never_ hurt you. I will never hurt you.

_**You're so endearing, you're so beautiful**_

"Edward?" This time you smile up at me. If time could stand still, I would not mind being frozen like this forever. Right here with you..in all your beauty and innocence.

_**Well I don't look like they do, and I don't love like they do**_

_**But I don't hate like they do**_

"Yes, my love?" I ask, tempted once again to capture your lips with my own in a careless kiss. One we've yet to experience. But I'm only looking out for you. Please understand that.

_**Am I ever on your mind?**_

**_Cold, but I'm still here, blind, 'cause I'm so blind_**

"What are you thinking?" You suddenly ask. Oh, if only you knew. Then again..you probably do. You know more than you should. But I can't say that I'd ever consider leaving you..aloud.

_**We're far from comfortable this time**_

"Nothing." I lie, forcing a smile. If you actually knew what was going through my head..you'd never forgive me. And I don't think I could live with that. If you want to call this "living".

"Edward..I can see it in your eyes. That's not it at all." You say, urging me on. Your eyes are so soft. Your voice so fragile..so vulnerable.

_**Cold, now we're so cold, mine, and you're not mine**_

_**We're far from obvious this time**_

"I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have the pleasure of receiving your love." I say. You look at me for a few minutes, searching my eyes for answers. I suppose you found the one you were looking for. The one that was always there.

**_Cold, you broke me from the very first night_**

_**I'd love you till the day that I die**_

"I'm the lucky one." You say, leaning up and kissing my lips carefully, but just not careful enough. Never careful enough.

I grab your shoulders and push you away, gently.

Pain, pain is the only thing in your eyes. And it kills me to see you like this. I know it hurts. God only knows how much I want to truly kiss you. To be with you. But I just can't. You're too comfortable with me. And the worst part is that it feels so real. So right. And _I'm_ too comfortable.

_**I'm far too comfortable this time**_

"Bella.." I say, sighing. There's nothing I can say to make it better, I know.

**_Cold, I loved you from the very first night_**

_**You broke me till the day that I die**_

"Shh." You say, grabbing my hand, hesitantly. Tears lining the rims of your amazingly brown eyes.

"Just hold me?" And that's that. There's your smile. The one that enchants me. My love for you is everlasting. And it's all too lucid to everyone else, especially me, the careless vampire.

_**I'm far too obvious this time**_

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**A/N - **So? What'd you guys think? Was it completely terrible?...thanks for taking the time to read :)


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